Becoming a dad for the first time is one of the most incredible, confusing, exhausting, and rewarding experiences you will ever go through. Nothing really prepares you for it. No Hollywood film, no friendly advice, no late-night scroll through parenting forums can fully capture what it feels like to hold your baby in your arms for the first time.
As a new dad myself, I wanted to share some insights, practical advice, and a few things I learned the hard way. I hope that this helps other dads-to-be feel a little more prepared and less alone on what can feel like an overwhelming journey.
Birth: Be There for Your Partner
If I could give just one piece of advice, it would be this: your role is to be present. Labour is your partner’s experience, not yours. You cannot take the contractions away, you cannot do the pushing, but you can be there. Oxytocin, the hormone that helps labour progress, flows best when a mother feels safe and supported. Sometimes that means holding her hand in silence. Sometimes it means fetching endless glasses of water. Sometimes it means reminding the midwife of the birth plan. Just be there, fully.
It's worth knowing that in the UK, only the mother can give legal consent for medical treatment during labour and birth, as she is the patient. This applies even if the father or partner is the husband, civil partner, or listed on the birth plan. Please do not be offended by the midwives or doctors if they refuse your verbal instruction or request. They do have to act within the legal requirements:
❌ Things the father/partner CANNOT consent to:
- Pain relief choices – Only the mother can consent to or refuse options like an epidural, pethidine, or gas and air.
- Interventions during labour – Including induction, augmentation, forceps/ventouse delivery, or C-section.
-
Emergency Caesarean Section
– If the mother is conscious and able to decide, her consent is required.
– If she’s unconscious and there's no advance directive, doctors act in her best interests and not the father's wishes. - Episiotomy or surgical procedures – Any procedure involving the mother's body requires her informed consent.
- Refusing treatment on her behalf – The father cannot stop treatment that the mother has consented to.
✅ What the father can do (in limited situations):
- Consent for the baby, but only if the mother is unable to, and if he has parental responsibility (usually automatic if married or named on the birth certificate).
- Express wishes or preferences if the mother is incapacitated, which doctors may consider — but this is not legally binding.
What Labour Is Really Like
Hollywood gets it wrong. In films, the waters break, and then thirty seconds later, you are holding your newborn. Real life is not like that. From waters breaking to birth, it can take hours or even days. Midwives often say that once contractions reach three every ten minutes, that is when things are really moving.
Labour is not the prettiest experience. There’s a high chance of seeing blood, poo, wee and slimy stuff. Sorry guys but best be prepared. Your partner will be pushing a small person with a 9-10cm wide head out of a normally very narrow opening. This takes time, can be painful and involves a fair bit of mess. Interventions such as forceps or suction might be needed, which can sound scary, but remember, they are there to help.
Birth is not a straight line, and being flexible will help both you and your partner cope with the unexpected.
UK Law and the Practical Stuff You Need to Know
When a baby comes into the world, the law suddenly becomes a very real part of your life.
Day One: In the UK, for example, before you leave the hospital you must already have thought through and provided for the legal requirements to transport your precious little bundle home. It is illegal to travel in a car with your baby unless they are secured in a proper car seat. The surprising twist is that this does not apply to taxis or public transport, but if you have a car, you must have a car seat ready from day one.
Day 5-10: A community midwife will request a visit to see you and your baby at home. They will perform health checks and offer advice. It is not legally required, however it is strongly advised to allow them access. They will perform several important checks for your new baby and the mother:
|
What Midwives Check |
Why It Matters |
|
Newborn’s weight and feeding |
To ensure baby is feeding and growing well. |
|
Baby’s physical health |
Midwives look for signs of jaundice, dehydration, infection, etc. |
|
Mother’s recovery |
They check for signs of infection, healing, and mental health (e.g. postnatal depression). |
|
Support and advice |
Feeding help, safe sleeping, emotional support, etc. |
Day 10-14: Within 10-14 days of arriving home, you will be ‘signed off’ by the midwife or community midwife and you will get a request from the health visitor team to arrange a visit. In the UK, a new mother is not legally required to allow a health visitor into her home — the visits are strongly encouraged but not mandatory.
Health visitors are NHS-registered nurses or midwives with additional training in child and family health. Legally you do not have to let them into your home. However, they will still offer appointments and may follow up by phone or arrange to meet at a clinic if you refuse them entry. Declining visits could raise concerns if there are safeguarding or welfare issues, which might lead to involvement from other services (e.g. social services), but this is not automatic.Day 21-42: Registering your baby is also a legal requirement. In England, Wales, and Northern Ireland, you must register within 42 days. In Scotland, you have 21 days. If you are married, only one parent needs to go. If you are unmarried, both of you must attend together.
Day 90: Do not forget child benefits. Every family is entitled to them, regardless of income, and they can be backdated for up to three months. Apply early because the paperwork can take time, and those payments will help with the extra nappies, clothes, and endless packs of baby wipes.
Another key legal milestone: your partner may be entitled to maternity leave, and you may be entitled to paternity leave. Check with your employer and be clear about your rights under UK law before the baby arrives.
The First Days: What to Expect
Visitors:
· Once you are home, a midwife will usually visit on day five to check on both mum and baby. They will weigh the baby, check for jaundice, and make sure feeding is going well.
· After about two weeks, you are typically discharged from midwife care and moved under the support of a health visitor.
· Family and friends will also probably want to visit. You may want to discuss and agree beforehand with your partner any rules or fears you each have relating to these visits.
Baby Poo: One of the strangest things you will encounter is your baby’s first poo. It is called meconium, and it is a thick, sticky, black or dark green substance made up of everything the baby swallowed in the womb. It usually comes in the first 24 to 48 hours and is a reassuring sign that your baby’s digestive system is working correctly. Within a few days, the stool will change to a yellowish, softer consistency once feeding is established.
A newborn baby may need 8-10 nappy changes a day. It’s worth investing in a couple of nappy caddy’s and changing mats to have around the house, stocked ready for a quick change, and setting up a nappy subscription so you have a regular supply of fresh nappies and wipes.
Colostrum: Breastfeeding often begins with colostrum, a thick, yellowish milk often referred to as “liquid gold.” It is packed with nutrients and antibodies that protect your baby in those crucial early days. Midwives may encourage you and your partner to breastfeed or pump milk for the first few days even if you plan to bottle feed from the outset or if mother can’t breastfeed right away (for example, due to surgery, medical issues, or separation). Staff will usually encourage you to express colostrum by hand or with a pump so it can be given to your baby by spoon, syringe, or cup.
Breast or Bottle: Breastfeeding is recommended by the NHS for at least the first 6 months. However, you may choose to exclusively use bottles or do a combination of breast and bottle. There are lots of articles and support groups online offering advice; some helpful and some not so helpful, and there’s plenty of keyboard warriors ready to criticize. The main thing is for you and your partner to agree on what you are doing and be supportive of each other.
Vitamin D: Whether breastfeeding, bottle feeding, or a combination, make sure your baby is also getting enough vitamin D. The NHS recommends supplements for babies who are breastfed and for formula-fed babies if they are not drinking more than 500ml of formula a day.
Sleep: A newborn baby may sleep quite a lot in the early days – up to 18 hours a day, but this will be in short bursts and will be scattered throughout the day and night. They do not have a natural circadian rhythm yet.
|
Age |
Total Sleep (24h) |
Longest Stretch (usually at night) |
Typical Awake Window |
|
Week 1 |
16–18 hrs |
2–3 hrs |
30–45 min |
|
Week 2 |
15–17 hrs |
2–3 hrs |
30–45 min |
|
Week 3 |
15–17 hrs |
2.5–3 hrs |
45–60 min |
|
Week 4 |
14–17 hrs |
3–4 hrs |
45–60 min |
|
Week 5 |
14–16 hrs |
3–4 hrs |
1 hr |
|
Week 6 |
14–16 hrs |
3–5 hrs |
1–1.25 hrs |
|
Week 7 |
14–16 hrs |
4–5 hrs |
1–1.25 hrs |
|
Week 8 |
14–16 hrs |
4–6 hrs |
1–2 hrs |
Before birth, it is a good idea to discuss and plan how you and your partner intend to manage this period and plan where the baby will sleep. The NHS guidelines state that a 0-6 months old baby should sleep in the same room as a parent, day and night, but in their own separate sleep space (such as a cot, crib, or Moses basket).
The Emotional Side: Don’t Bottle It Up
Fatherhood is overwhelming. Between supporting your partner, lack of sleep, financial pressures, and adjusting to a completely new way of life, it is easy to feel buried. The mistake many dads make is bottling it up. Postnatal depression is not limited to mothers. Dads can experience it too. The NHS estimates that one in ten fathers develops symptoms of depression during the first year of their child’s life.
You are not weak if you admit you are struggling. Speak to your GP, talk to your partner, or find a support group.
There are plenty of apps for new mums, like Peanut and Bounty, but fewer dedicated to dads. This is where you need to be proactive. Check with your midwife for local fathers’ groups. Also, take a look at the Mantenatal app, which has excellent resources for men, including practical tips on birth, baby care, and ways to connect with other new families.
Shopping and Preparation
As the scout moto says “Be Prepared”. Prepare well in advance. Babies come when they are ready, not when you are. Although 40 weeks is considered a full term baby, it is not uncommon for a baby to arrive as early as 36 weeks and be discharged from hospital after 48 hours.
Shops to check out include Boots for essentials, Mama and Papas for gear, and John Lewis for 100% cotton baby clothes. Baby grows with mittens is a small but important buy, as they prevent newborns from scratching themselves.
You’ll also need lot of nappies and wipes. We use Mama Bamboo’s biodegradable nappies and wipes because we wanted a more eco option and they are super soft on our babies’ skin. We also use their new Bathtime Range, which includes organic baby wash, shampoo, and lotion.
The Baby Show expo is another must-visit. It takes place at the ExCeL in London, as well as other venues such as the Birmingham NEC and London Olympia. It is the perfect place to do research, compare products, and test what you will actually use. My partner and I fell in love with an electronic pushchair there. Before you roll your eyes and ask why I can’t just push it myself, we live in the very hilly city of Brighton. Trust me, when you are pushing a pram uphill after two hours of sleep, the appeal becomes crystal clear.
Some items are needed from Day One and some can wait until you’re home and baby is a little bigger.
Essentials:
· Car Seat
· Moses Basket or side sleeper
· Babygrows (with mittens if possible)
· Nappies and Wipes
· Bottles or pump if you intend to bottle feed or pump breastmilk
· Muslins / burp cloths
· Lotion, Bodywash or soap designed for babies
· Vitamin D drops
· Non bio washing powder / liquid
Non-essentials but useful in first 3 months:
· Pram
· Changing mat and nappy caddy
· Changing bag
· Baby bath
· Cot
· Sleep / heartrate monitor
· Outdoor clothing if baby is born in Autumn / Winter
That really is about it – everything else is nice to have or can wait until your baby is out of the 4th trimester.
Sex After Birth: Go at Her Pace
Once the rush of adrenaline wears off after the birth and life adjusts a little to your new normal, it is common to consider re-establishing your relationship with your partner; both emotionally and physically.
Emotionally, it’s important to acknowledge that you have both changed but that you still love one another as before. If anything, most couples talk about having a deeper connection and loving one another more now they are in new roles as mummy and daddy. But equally others can feel disconnected and isolated by the new situation. It’s important to talk and be honest about how you feel.
Physically, there is no set time when sex can resume after birth. The only rule is to go at her pace. Every woman’s recovery is different and influenced by how the birth went. Your partner has experienced a physically exerting procedure. She will be sore, tired, and possibly nursing open wounds (c-sections, episiotomy cuts, tears and abrasions). She will also be flooded with hormones and adjusting her mindset to take on overwhelming responsibility for a tiny fragile human being. Be kind. Be gentle.
One important fact that took me by surprise, is that your partner can become pregnant again as early as three weeks after giving birth. Make sure you discuss contraception options if another pregnancy is not on your immediate timeline.
Final Thoughts - Find Joy in the Chaos
Be Present: As a self-confessed workaholic, this is something I am still learning. Babies grow fast. That tiny bundle who fits in your arms will soon be wriggling away to crawl, walk, and run. The time when you can hold them, smell their skin, and feel their heartbeat against yours is precious and fleeting. Put down your phone, step away from the laptop, and just be with them. Treasure the night feeds, the first smiles, and even the chaos of those messy mornings. You will never get this time back.
It’s a learning curve: Being a new dad is not easy. It is messy, exhausting, sometimes terrifying, but it is also deeply rewarding. Your role is not just to help provide, but to be present emotionally, physically, and mentally. From navigating UK law around car seats and child benefits to learning how to soothe a crying baby at 3 am, it is a journey of growth for you as much as it is for your child.
Take the pressure off yourself to get everything right. You will make mistakes. You will learn as you go. What matters most is that your child grows up knowing they are loved and supported.
Find the Joy: Parenthood is not a sprint. It is a marathon, with hills, valleys, and plenty of unexpected detours. Embrace the journey, stay curious, and do not be afraid to ask for help.The chaos will always be there, but so will the joy.
